If you don’t want to be a traditional housewife or submissive and quiet woman, why are you asking for a strong, muscular-yet-gentleman type?
We all want equal, fair, feminist relationships, don’t we? Don’t we want to choose – for ourselves – what kind of partner we are in our relationship both now and in the future, whether it’s the strong domestic mama or the breadwinning woman or a little of both? Don’t we want to be seen as more than just a girl, only fit to play the role of the damsel? Now that you’re sitting there saying, “uh-huh, of course,” have you asked yourself if you’re offering the same for your guy?
I see it all the time: women want to be known for more than just the stereotypes placed on them. They are empowered barrier breakers. But still, they get together with other women for happy hour and start listing the same ol’ traits they want their ideal boyfriend or husband to have.
He’s physically strong and taller than the girl in the relationship – no shorties allowed. He works out. He has a good job with good money. He can lift stuff and kill the bugs in the house. He’s a gentleman – not just kind, but a gentleman in that charming man kind of way, like he’s using a courtship playbook from 1940.
If you don’t want to be a traditional housewife or submissive and quiet woman, why are you asking for a strong, muscular-yet-gentleman type? If what you really want is a reliable guy that cares about you, that has nothing to do with traditional gentleman politeness or height and body type.
My boyfriend does that thing where, when we’re walking outside, he’ll walk on the side closest to the street, “protecting” me from the cars. Thoughtful, huh? Just as thoughtful as if I make him lunch. But these things shouldn’t be thoughtful (nor expected) only based on gender. Isn’t it better when we do caring gestures out of kindness and not traditional and unoriginal expectations?
By focusing on how you expect the ideal man to be, you may miss when a guy is actually a pretty good guy after all. Or perhaps you could pick a fight when your boyfriend didn’t open the door for you or pay for your dinner together, while missing the fact that he remembered to ask how your important work presentation went or that he rushed to be with you when you were having a bad day.
Just as you don’t want to be judged for how good of a woman you are, consider what actually makes a good man too – outside of the shallow and stereotypical.