You may have heard of minimalism when it comes to design, lifestyle, and spending habits. But minimalism may also be the key to getting out of a dating rut or being stuck in relationships that are draining you of your energy.
What is minimalism?
First, before we dive into applying a minimalist approach to your love life, let’s talk about what minimalism actually is. You may have heard of people who only own five articles of clothing or who live out of a van for the sake of minimalism. But minimalism doesn’t require such extreme sacrifices. Minimalism is essentially a lifestyle where you only take what is necessary and let go of attachment to things that add negativity, clutter, or distraction. So unsurprisingly, this can apply to the physical objects you own and the products you buy. It can also apply to your schedule and how you spend your time. And of course, minimalism can also be used to help improve your dates and relationships.
Why Romance Needs Minimalism
Modern love and online dating have created a culture of too many options. To deal with the overwhelm of too many options, many online daters try to talk to as many people as they can, use multiple dating apps, and subsequently lack mindfulness and any chance of real connection with any of their matches. The abundance of options means that people are distracted, unable to remember who is who, and that they move on quickly. This all makes for a frustrating dating environment where real connection is hard to come by.
How To Be a Relationship Minimalist
Whether you’re frustrated by dating or already in a relationship, minimalism can help you narrow your focus to the people and bonds that are truly worth your time and energy. There are three keys to using minimalism to improve your love life and relationships.
1. Know your needs, values, and deal-breakers.
If you go into dating (or relationships in general) not knowing what you hope to get out of it, you’re likely to get, well, not much. Know what expectations you have: do you want a committed relationship? Are you hoping to get married? Do you just want someone to have fun with? Get clear on what you truly desire. Not only this, but know your values and what’s most important to you. Don’t waste time with those whose values don’t align with yours. Keep in mind, though, that your list of values and needs should also be minimalist. No one is perfect, and if your list of expectations is excessive, it may be difficult to ever find anyone that will fit your ideals.
And finally, know your deal-breakers. These are the non-negotiables that apply to any of your relationships, whether serious and long-term or short and casual. Get clear on what you can’t tolerate, and don’t accept anyone who fits one or more of these qualities.
2. Focus on meaningful relationships.
Too often, I see people spiral into negative thoughts and insecurities, all because of a relationship that they said was only supposed to be fun and casual. While hooking up and having casual relationships can work, be self-aware enough to also know when a “fun, casual” encounter isn’t feeling so fun and casual anymore. Focus on meaningful relationships that are valuable to you, the life you want to have, and the growth you want to see in yourself. This may mean getting pickier about who you hook up with, minimizing your friend group, or not giving into the pressure to call up your racist uncle. Only focus on the relationships that offer meaning.
3. Focus on relationships that give you energy, not drain your energy.
Minimalism helps you to narrow down what you make space for in your life in order to live your best life. When thinking of relationships, then, focus on the ones that energize and inspire you, rather than drain you and hold you back. Remember, just because you’ve known someone for a long time doesn’t mean you need to maintain a relationship. If someone keeps you stuck in bad habits or past issues, that relationship will likely hinder your growth. So prioritize the people and relationships that bring you closer to who you strive to be, who encourage you to be better, and who inspire you – not who drain your energy and motivation.