I hear a lot of women who are tired of dating, especially online and through apps. They feel disposable, picked over, and ignored, and I get it: online dating can be hard. But it doesn’t have to be.
With these 5 tips, you can start dating with ease and stop wasting time on bad dates and bad matches.
1. Know your red flags.
People’s actions and how they make us feel can be huge hints as to whether or not someone is right for us – even in the very first chat or on the very first date. Chances are you don’t want to waste precious time trying to get to know someone, only to realize that they’re completely wrong for you. This is where red flags come in handy: by knowing what red flags to look for, you can quickly weed out the wrong people. For a full list of 20 dating red flags, click here and download it from the free relationship resources library.
2. Get clear on what you’re looking for.
Too often, I hear women say that they’re trying to “go with the flow” and “just see what happens” on dating apps. This can lead to a lot of dating burnout. If you get clear on what you actually want, you can start to only focus on people who align with this goal. For example, if you want a long-term partner, only look for people who aren’t into casual hookups. If you really do just want to have no-strings-attached fun, only meet up with those who share this desire. If you stay open to anyone and everyone, chances are you’ll attract a lot of low quality matches. Remember, you attract what you tolerate.
3. Take your time.
In dating, it can be tempting to rush into a new relationship, or try to juggle multiple people at once to save time. However, dating shouldn’t be rushed. Limit how many people you talk to at once, take time in getting to know them, and space out your dates. Also, leave time between dates to check in with yourself and recharge. When you go at a more relaxed pace, you seem less desperate, and you save yourself more time to nurture your life outside of dating as well.
4. Be willing to make the first move.
Dating can be so frustrating when you have 40 matches lined up, yet no one is talking or trying to meet you offline. Instead of spending energy on waiting for others to make the first move, empower yourself to make the first move. You can make the moves you want others to make. Think of it like the dating equivalent to that famous Ghandi quote: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Be the one to make the first move instead of always waiting for others to do so. And if you worry about coming across as too aggressive, remember that those who are scared of your forwardness probably aren’t right for you anyway.
5. Embrace that dating is work.
Dating isn’t always fun or easy, but most good things in life aren’t. Dating can take work. But so can getting your dream job, moving to a nice home, getting physically fit, maintaining friendships… Most meaningful and rewarding things in life take work, so finding a great partner and a healthy relationship is no exception. Once you accept that dating requires an investment of time and energy, and that it’s worth the effort, you’re less likely to feel burned out and frustrated.