…be the best bad girlfriend you can be. Flaws are okay, and perfection isn’t realistic. You can have a variety of emotions and not just be the “chill” girlfriend.
A Little Background
I was raised with no model for what a romantic, committed relationship should be, and I know I’m not the only one. A lot of us were raised with one parent, separated or divorced parents, parents who fought all the time, or parents who were just generally unhappy and disconnected. I grew up listening to pop songs about love and watching romantic comedies, but I didn’t see the kind of relationship I wanted for myself around me. In my childhood, no one taught me relationship skills. No one. I learned a lot of things growing up, like how to trade snacks at lunchtime or how to do algebra. But I wasn’t taught relationship skills, even though my life requires relationship skills on a daily basis (whereas I’m not even doing algebra). I basically grew up seeing what not to do but not what to do.
What This Means For You
That’s why I’m here sharing what I finally learned (and am still learning) with you now. In my relationships, I’ve always felt like a bad girlfriend or like I had no idea how to date. It seemed everyone around me knew what they were doing (which I realize now isn’t true), and even after entering serious relationships, I would often doubt myself, my feelings, and my decisions. I would one day think I was being too selfish and the next think I was being too selfless. I wondered if I was being too difficult or letting too many things slide. And when I would get upset, I would get really upset. I felt like the crazy, bad girlfriend in a world of chill couples who always look so happy and relaxed on Instagram.
If this sounds like you too, you can join me in being a bad girlfriend – but I encourage you to be the best bad girlfriend you can be. Flaws are okay, and perfection isn’t realistic. You can have a variety of emotions and not just be the “chill” girlfriend. You can be who you need to be for yourself and still have a healthy relationship, not only considering how you serve others or how others may perceive or judge you. And this isn’t only for girlfriends, but for single ladies and married women too.
The Bad GF Manifesto
If a good girlfriend is quiet and doesn’t speak up, I’d rather be a bad girlfriend. If a good girlfriend never considers her own needs, only putting others first – every. single. time. – I’m good with being a bad girlfriend. If being a good girlfriend is giving your man allllllll the space he wants out of fear of being called needy, I’d choose being the needy bad girlfriend.
This is not for the chill girl. This is for the girl with no chill. This is for the girl who wanted to be the chill, unaffected girl but knows that’s not really her. For the ones who have felt crazy, anxious, and occasionally moody, you’re human and that’s okay. I have carried so much shame and doubted myself over and over, having the answers for a better relationship (and a better life) hidden away all along but couldn’t listen to myself enough to find them.
To be clear, being a bad girlfriend isn’t the same as being abusive, manipulative, or otherwise disrespectful. It also doesn’t mean letting your own mental health and bad habits go unchecked – in fact, it’s the exact opposite. It’s about letting go of your worries about being a specific kind of woman that doesn’t feel authentic to you, while being the best version of yourself you can be, right now, in this moment.
So to recap, being a bad girlfriend is about:
- accepting your flaws
- turning the script in your head that tells you you’re not enough into one that says you’re plenty (and worth celebrating)
- reclaiming the phrases “bad girlfriend” or “crazy girlfriend,” while being okay with not being the “chill girlfriend” or any other sexist archetypes out there
- always growing and being a better bad girlfriend
Join me in this journey of being your best bad girlfriend self, and create your own model for the ideal relationship. Keep checking here for more updates. And, if you haven’t already, join the email newsletter to stay on top of new content and community convos and opportunities!