If I ask you what you want in relationships or life in general, do you have a clear answer? If your answer is “no,” your mindset might be holding you back.
Many of us say we don’t know what we want when, in fact, we do. There was once a dream, goal, or vision for the future, but it was abandoned out of fear. And this all comes down to a faulty mindset.
The Power of Your Mindset
Your mindset includes the thought patterns and beliefs you hold about yourself, other people, and the world. And many of our strongest, most tightly-held thoughts and beliefs were created in a time of stress and trauma. These thoughts and beliefs are usually negative and don’t help us in times of growth or success.
That’s why, when you consider your goals for the future, if your mindset is stuck in negativity, it may be hard to imagine a better future. In short, your mindset and your dreams must be compatible. But it’s easier to change your dreams and settle for less, than to do the work required to change your mindset. It’s easier to create a smaller goal or let go of a goal entirely than to change your automatic negative thoughts.
This is true for life in general, including relationships. Some people settle for a relationship they don’t want because they have a belief that they don’t deserve better. Others may keep themselves stuck being single because they believe they can’t trust anyone, or that relationships may threaten their independence, for example. And others may perpetuate relationship conflict because of a mindset that tells them that their relationship is hopeless, or that love must be tumultuous to be “real.”
How To Change Your Mindset
If you don’t want to settle for toxic relationships or a mediocre life, change the mindset, not the dreams. Remember, your mindset and your dreams must be compatible – so if you don’t want to give up your hopes for the future, you must work on the thoughts and beliefs that create your mindset.
Changing your mindset requires a lot of patience and curiosity about yourself and your thoughts. It also requires a lot of work to get to know your own mindset, and that’s where coaching can help. Working with a coach who can spot your cognitive distortions and core beliefs can help to create a fast-track for mindset shifts. Not only this, but coaching requires a lot of reflection, both during sessions and outside of sessions with additional resources and worksheets.
If you’re ready to change your mindset to have the life and relationships you dream of, click here for more on coaching and how to get started.