When it comes to relationship advice, there’s often a focus on what’s wrong. After all, you wouldn’t need advice if everything is perfect, right? But instead of focusing on what needs to be fixed, here are 10 signs of healthy behaviors in your relationship, to remind you that you might be doing better in your love life than you thought.
1. You can be your authentic self.
If you and your partner can be yourselves together, this is a good sign – but wait! No, I don’t just mean that you can show your goofy sense of humor or open up about your nerdy collection of horse keychains. No, I mean you can be your full, authentic self together, including the difficult and sometimes ugly side we all have. This might mean opening up about your fears together, or sharing your mental health struggle. Being with someone who accepts all of you, without judgment, is a very good sign.
2. You fight (the right way).
As much as fighting can be stressful and uncomfortable, facing your disagreements is much healthier than avoiding them altogether. Being able to honestly express your feelings and needs is important in establishing a connection together, but it’s necessary to learn how to fight the right way too. Using clear communication and leaning into vulnerability instead of anger are good places to start. But in any argument, remember to focus on the problem or action at hand, and attack that issue together, rather than attacking each other’s character and personhood. With these points in mind, remember that fighting is a normal, and even healthy, part of romantic relationships.
3. “Sorry” is in your vocabulary.
Have you ever dated someone who couldn’t say they’re sorry? Or have you ever had a hard time apologizing when you were wrong? The truth is, pride and ego can serve as a block in saying that one little S-word. Yet being able to reflect on your actions, admit when you’re wrong, and genuinely apologize is a key skill in relationships and conflict management. Having a partner – and being a partner – who can say sorry makes it easier to open up about hurt feelings or disagreements (just like in #2). On the other hand, knowing that your partner likely won’t ever admit their wrongdoing makes it feel discouraging to ever mention what’s on your mind.
4. You don’t shy away from talking about intimacy.
Intimacy in all its forms, from cuddling to kissing to a range of, let’s say, “naked activities,” should be a common topic in your relationship. After all, you and your partner deserve to feel good. But avoiding talking about what you like can make it feel like an awkward guessing game. Your sex life is not a game of Battleship. You do not need to just keep trying stuff until you get lucky and find the right spot. Of course, if you really don’t know what you like or what feels good, that’s okay too. You can still talk about that! And talking about intimacy also means discussing consent, protection, and STIs or STDs.
5. You didn’t stop getting to know each other.
When we go on first dates with a prospective partner, we usually spend a couple hours getting to know each other, asking several questions and enjoying learning about someone else. But a sign of a healthy relationship is that the questions and learning never stopped. Continuing to look at your partner with curiosity, rather than judgment or assumption, allows you to never stop growing closer. And anyway, there’s no way you already know everything about each other, right?
6. You know each other’s love language – and you use it properly.
You may already know all about Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, but do you know your partner’s love language? And do you use it? If so, that’s a good sign. A common mistake is that people learn their own love language, and then use that language to show others love. But the beauty of knowing about love languages is that you can learn what others’ languages are and give them the language they prefer. Then, they can feel cared for and seen by you.
7. You can talk about the future together.
No matter what stage of your relationship you’re in, there’s a future ahead of you. So it’s so important to keep the conversation going about the future, and it’s especially important to make sure that you see each other in it. Whether you’re talking about moving in together one day, having children together in a few years, or how you’ll invest money together, keep the line of communication open, even if you don’t know exactly how the future will look. Once you talk about the goals and values you have in mind for your future life, you can better understand and support one another.
8. You understand that change is normal.
Change is often feared, especially in close relationships. What if you grow apart? What if you don’t love your partner anymore? What if they don’t love you? These are common fears about change, but healthy couples understand that change is normal and inevitable. Your partner will change, but so will you. And through these changes, you can grow, both as individuals and as a couple.
9. You know how to celebrate together.
Celebrating tends to bring to mind images of balloons, champagne, and parties, but celebrating as a couple can become a regular part of everyday life – no balloons required. Celebrating together means making time to connect and support one another. It’s a way of focusing on the positive aspects of our daily lives and honoring them as a couple. This could mean scheduling a regular Friday night date for finishing the workweek, toasting a promotion at work together, or writing a heartfelt message for the other after finishing a difficult project. If you can celebrate together, you know that the little happy moments shouldn’t be left ignored, and that you each deserve to feel supported.
10. You can imagine life without each other.
Secure couples know that they could live without the other, even if they don’t prefer it that way. It’s a good sign if you have your own interests, goals, and identities that don’t require your partner to be there. On the other hand, if a lot of your life depends on your partner, you may be more likely to have a codependent or enmeshed relationship. These types of relationships may lack boundaries and lead to unhealthy habits from both sides. Appreciating your own individuality and autonomy at times allows you to have a healthier relationship, and even more, you can each bring your own unique interests and perspectives to your relationship.